(Sharks... with frickin laser beams, on their heads!)
I'm kinda stuck on that right now. Hmm... I think I need a few of those. I want them in the mote, that surrounds my castle, that is on my own personal 'I want to be a hermit' island. I'm thinking they will be a fitting accessory for my fire breathing dragon. Yeeeah, I need to hit the power ball, so I can afford to have those creatures genetically engineered, for my own person amusement, of course. Uh... I prob need to buy a ticket first. Hmm. I'm on that... maybe. ... No, come morning I'll have no memeory of wanting to buy a powerball ticket... or likely much else for that matter. Hey, thank God for written evidence, right? LOL
(Looking for my smokes... heeeere smokes... brb)
Ok... I NEED smokes. Time to make a trip to the rez. Not tonight tho... and tomorrow's not lookin real good wither. Hmm... I say that alot. Yeah, a true procrastinator at heart. What can I say? Um... prob a lot... and I'm sure I will... as I have an endless amount of space in which to spew my verbal chunks out onto the internet. BooYah!
Ahh... where to go with my blog tonight? Hmm... that could be a million dollar question. Could be. Won't be tho... as I don't have a million dollars to give whoever turns up with an answer. Yeah, sorry about ur luck. So, don't put any thought into it... ur not getting paid anyway.
Let's see... Love, Life, Friends, Foes, Work, Money, the Future, the Past, what's been lost, what's been gained... So many options. Ha ha ha. Let's see if I can come up with the short version for some of those........ yeeeeah, right.
Love: SUX! (That's the short version) Ok, really tho, Love doesn't suck. Love is actually effin awesome. I can say this now, since I finally got to find out what it was like, short lived as the good part of the experience was. What sux is all the bad shit that can come along with it. So, I guess it isn't Love that actually sucks. It's when the person that you love, that is the only person that has the power to break your heart and cut you more deeply than you ever thought possible, actually does. I guess, if you never fall, if you never let someone in, then you never have to worry about that happening. Of course, you never get to feel Love either. Kinda a catch 22 there. Yeah, people have said that if Love is real, it will never hurt you. True, it won't. Unfortunately, that says nothing for people, who are also real, and will hurt you. In the end... Love is awesome, and being hurt and heartbroken sux. Yeah, you live and learn and somehow you survive... but ur never really the same afterwards. How could you be? I won't be. The person I was, is long gone. Since then, it's been all about finding out who I am, and trying to put the pieces of my life back together... as well as finding some way to fill all the emptiness that was left behind. Sure, Love expands your horizons, your hopes and dreams, and you in your entirety. Maybe that's why, after your heart is broken, there's so much emptiness. Your expanded life, never seems to return to the shape it once was. Maybe it does, a little, but there are always horrible stretch marks left behind, just to remind you of how much bigger things were at one time... and of how much you long for that space to be filled, even tho you know it never will be.
Life: I don't know. Life is good. Life is bad. Life is something you have to live, even when you don't really feel like it. Life is what happens while you're making other plans. (No, that line isn't mine, it's John Lennon's) Life is something that some people have no respect for. Life is something that some people have the utmost respect for, but don't get a chance to show it. Life is something, that if you're truly blessed, you get a chance to give, to create. That part, is something I have given up the chance to do... but that's a different part of the blog... if I get to it. No, I'll likely pass out long before that. Oh, well. In short, I had that chance. When? ... Well, it's likely in the best interest of a lot of people to not disclose that information. Needless to say, I dropped the ball. Yeah, me. I know, right? In retrospect, I'm not sure what I was thinking. Why in the world I would have even suggested waiting. As hard as it was though, as it was something I really wanted, I did suggest it. Long after the fact, I guess I dropped the ball. Not that I didn't get multiple promises for the future... but those, along with much else, have long since vanished, like the smoke and mirrors they were formed from. They say everything happens for a reason. Really? I guess, at this point, I'd like to know what the hell the reason is, as even after more psychoanalysing than I'd like to admit to, I still have no clue what the reason was. Do I believe in meant to be? Yeah, I still do. Do I believe in the words of someone who sees farther into the future than I? Yeah, I still do. Do I still wonder what the hell happened, and how those words, after everything, remain the same, and how they could ever come to pass? Of course I do, because from where I stand, I don't see a path, or a bridge, or a teleporter, or anything that would lead to that point. Maybe that's where Faith is supposed to step in. Damn... I wish I had a little more of that. I swear, if I ever find boxes of it at the corner market, or on eBay, I'm gonna buy out the entire stock.
Anyway, Life... is strange. Just when you think you have it all figured out, it does a 180, laughs in your face, and reminds you... you don't. Ugh. I usually say 'Life if my favorite rollercoaster ride'... and for the most part, sometimes it still is... until the hills get too high, and the falls get too steep, and the ride is going up and down much too quickly... and I just feel like I'm gonna puke.
Oh, well. It is what it is. It's my life... and in all reality, I'm stuck with it. Good, bad, or indifferent, it's all mine. Honestly tho, like everyone else... I would love for it to go back to being mostly good, since mostly bad... just blows.
Friends: Real ones are amazing... a true gift and blessing. Fake ones... always make themselves known in the end, as they always seem to disappear when you need them most. ... If you know me, you know I let very few people 'in'. If you're someone that thinks I'm a social butterfly, who is totally open, and has tons of friends... then, trust, you're not actually as close to me as you think you are... and you don't know me nearly as well as you think you do.
I have very, very few truly close friends. I have one female best-friend, who lives very far away, but who still tries to be there for me as much as possible, and help me make it through the trenches of life. Sometimes she's my source of sanity... when mine, as usual, has flown the proverbial coop... again. lol ... I have one male best-friend, who is closer physically, but sometimes more distant that I will ever really understand. Fortunately for me though, we are so much alike, that he always 'gets me'. Sometimes that's great, as it's awesome to have a best-friend that understands you better than anyone else. Other times though, it can hurt, when you're close enough to someone for them to know when you need something... but yet they're too busy to bother to try to help. Sometimes that feels like a blow off. Like your friend doesn't care enough to be there for you, even though,deep down, you know that isn't really the case. ... In the end though, the nature of having a best-friend, is just knowing that through all the trials and tribulations, through the times when they are there or aren't... you're still always best friends and always will be, and there is no force (be it space, time, or otherwise) that will ever end your friendship or forever separate you. There is something intrinsically comforting about that. Something amazing that comes from the knowledge, that even on your worst day, just a few words from that person, or the sound of their voice, can somehow make you smile. :) So... to my best-friends, who have been there to share the best times in my life, and have also been there to see me through the worst... Thank you... a million times over... thank you. You are my most valuable asset, just as important to me as air, and many times, the only thing that makes me want to take another breath. Oh, aaand I'll def make sure my genetically engineered sharks and dragon don't eat you whn you come to visit my castle. ... Everyone else, will have to take their chances tho. He he he!!!
Ok... even though there is sooo much more to write... mu buzz is starting to wear off, and I'm going to leave this blog on a happy note. I'll breach some of the other, more unpleasant topics, at a later date... and when I'm more in the type of mood to write about them.
For now tho... I'm gonna crash... while I still believe that I WILL own genetically engineered sharks with frickin laser beams on their heads... and while I'm still quite sure that 'tits' is the answer... regardless of what the question is. LMAO!!!
Ciao Readers!!!!
